the final three

Myself, Jes, and My Father conclude the series. Hooray!

more!

Image Four: Jake And Devon

More of Uncomfortable series

Images 2 and 3 for Final: Jason and Jon

Lazy bones///New Work

So I haven't posted in a while. Here is what I am working on now: Final Project for Portraiture II: Portraits of People who are discomforted by being photographed, Richard Avedon style. This is image 1 of 8. My mother talking about her ex husband.

i miss

how it was.


in more ways than one

fiona apple read my mind.

I don't understand about complementary colors And what they say Side by side they both get bright Together they both get gray But he's been pretty much yellowAnd I've been kinda blueBut all I can see isRed, red, red, red, red nowWhat am I gonna doI don't understand aboutDiamonds and why men buy themWhat's so impressive about a diamondExcept the miningAnd it's dangerous workTrying to get to you tooAnd I think if I didn't have toKill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill myself doing itMaybe I wouldn't think so much of youI've been watching all the timeAnd I still can't find the tackAnd I wanna know is it okayIs it just fineOr is it my faultIs it my lackI don't understand aboutThe weather outsideOr the harmony in a tuneOr why somebody liedThere's solace a bit for submittingTo the fitfully cryptically trueWhat's happened has happenedWhat's coming is already on its wayWith a role for me to playI don't understandI'll never understandBut I'll try to understandThere's nothing else I can do

Through the Looking Glass Part II: The White Rabbit ( also known as I have the cutest boyfriend ever)

Through the Looking Glass: Part I: The Mad Hatter

Titles: Image I and II: "Alice Meets the Mad Hatter, Images III and IV: "Curiouser and Curiouser", Image V: "We're All Mad Here"

Artist Statement: In Progress: (will put up finished product once done)
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” Alice made it clear (or unclear from her perspective) that having a world of one’s own would make figuring life out much easier. I can identify with Alice in this sense. When I started this work, I took the position of Alice. I then found that each person close to me is represented by a character from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. They each are simply characters in my story, helping me find my way.
I cross processed my film (processing it as color negative instead of a slide positive) to get the dreamy and saturated feeling of my own little nonsense world. What isn’t, now simply is. I also chose my four closest companions because I spend the most time with them and they have taught me so much over the past year(s). Phil, the White Rabbit, is a new relationship. He is teaching me to be patient and I am chasing this goal of a solid relationship with him. Blake is the well traveled, well read friend, and he helps me gain knowledge and a sense of surrounding in my environment. He has become my Cheshire Cat. Missy is my closest and longest friend. She is strong and independent, and is represented by the caterpillar. Austin is the Mad Hatter; he has taught me to laugh, and be silly and not care what others think. He is also the one to let me know its ok to be a little silly, because “We are all mad here.”

*Note: Parts II-IV of Missy, Blake, and Phil coming soon

Observing human life

Model: Blake Murphy

The following are editorial photographs

Teenager in bedroom: Nick Stabile, my brother




Small Business Owner:Printer: McPeake Printing




Illustration of Date Rape.
Model- Lindsey Secreet

Fashion Shoot!

Model: Linze Secreet
Hair, Makeup, and Clothing-Linz Grae
Lighting and Photography-Me

stupid

Is it weird that I get really sad every time I leave Cal when visiting Phil? I know I will get to see him the next weekend, and I know I am lucky I have even that, because I think of Emma, and how she can't see Brandon for months at a time. Maybe I just really really like him. The nights we spend together are so nice. He makes me so happy, I feel so damned lucky. I am a cheesy goofball.

GROSS

So at work yesterday a roll of film was developed that had photographs of a nude girl roughly my age posing provocatively for the camera, in only a thong. Some images she is even touching herself. And to top it off, there is a SIX YEAR OLD in the background of these images in his pajamas in bed, watching this whole scenario go down. It is apparent that the child is the females son, due to other images. anyhow. GROSS. AWFUL. WRONG. They called the police, but the cops said that its not illegal and they can do nothing. Can't that be seen as like corruption of a minor or something at LEAST? Jesus this world is fucked.

Keeps gettin' better

So happy. With him. Jesus. (with Phil not Christ, har, har) So happy.


So here is the start of a new quarter. New projects, new year, new smoke free-me. And to being so goddamned happy my mouth is going to fall off my face. I am a turd.

teeter-tottering on the edge of what is really happening + new years resolving

So much has been going through my brain lately that I feel like reality is unclear. I feel like connections with certain people are slowly slipping away, and I sort of feel like they don't really care, so in return I am becoming indifferent as well. I guess that is kind of sad, but people grow up and move on and grow apart and such is life. But then last night happened and it made me revaluate the whole situation. Everyone was full of so much love and joy and togetherness and it made me miss being home all the time very much. Speaking of home, every time I go and stay with my mom I find it harder and harder to leave. Canonsburg has become my own little escape from the reality I have chosen in the city. Work has become quite mundane, but at least its liveable.

On Christmas my aunt told me she would give me 1000$ if I quit smoking in six months. I took the offer. It will be a week in 12.5 hours that I have gone without a cigarette. It has been extremely tough, but I feel accomplished. A week is the longest I have gone since I started when I was in high school. Phil has been really supportive about it as well. He told me he was proud of me for how far I have gotten, and the encouragement helps.

Speaking of Phil, I feel like he has become such a huge part of my life in more ways than just simply being my boyfriend. He has (unbeknownst to him) taught me to be more patient, and to let things grow and move on their own. I have also kind of become a little more reserved when it comes to drinking, because he doesn't drink at all, and honestly I don't miss it. We laugh together, have great conversations, the chemistry is there, and the communication is pretty solid as well. I don't think I could ask for more in a human being. I am not sure I want to tell him all of this simply becaues I don't want to freak him out and make him think I am obsessive. I am just evaluating what I am feeling and experiencing on a great level. I used to look at other couples and wonder how they got to be so lucky, but then I see what really goes on. I think of how Phil and I are really taking our time and becoming closer slowly and how that is usually how many great relationships start. Patience and communication are so important to this relationship, and I feel like I can really become better with both if I try my best.

So as a result, here are my resolutions:

1. QUIT SMOKING

2. Be patient and not screw up this relationship that has a lot of potential to be something really beautiful.

P.S. I got a new tattoo.